Broad Statement of Faith

My belief in God and my life as a Christian grew out of experiences in my childhood. I was the younger of two sons of a Presbyterian Minister and a very talented Minister of Music. My father was a minister from 1962 until his death in 1999; my mother was a choir director from 1962 until her death in 2003. As a T.O. (Theological Offspring), I had opportunities to learn doctrine and scripture as well as to grow in an environment rich with a passion for Christ. It was in this rich soil that the seeds of my faith first took root.

I became very well versed in our church’s interpretation of the bible. My father was unlike many Presbyterian ministers, leaning toward a more conservative interpretation of scripture. Minister’s salaries being what they were, my brother and I attended adult bible studies with our parents in order to save the money they would have had to spend on a babysitter. I often had questions for my parents afterward. My father would do his best to bring the message to the understanding of a very curious 7 or 8 year old. Interestingly, the first time I was asked if I had accepted Jesus was while staying at my grandmother’s during summer vacation. At the age of 8 (1973), my brother and I prayed with my grandmother asking Jesus to come into our hearts. I’m not sure what impact this had on me or if I was only doing it because I knew it was right and it was what God and my grandmother had told us to do.

Though my understanding of the process of salvation was scant, God was very real to me. Much of my childhood involved experiences where I would call out to God for comfort. In elementary school, I wrote, “Sometimes my mommy yells and sometimes my daddy is mad and that’s when I go up to my room and God comes down and gives me a hug.” I can remember this being a very real and almost tactile experience for me. Also, being the minister’s son isn’t the most popular position in a school classroom especially when you are new in town. I moved through my childhood and early adolescence with what I would call a Christian understanding. Looking back I can see God at work in my life on various occasions but the turning point, I believe, was in 9th grade confirmation class. Although Presbyterians believe in one baptism, my father asked everyone in our confirmation class who wanted to be baptized in the river to come and be washed of our sins through full emersion. To me, this was an outer sign of a very real inner transformation. I reaffirmed my acceptance of Jesus as my Lord and Savior at that point. This began a period of strong and steady growth in my Christian walk; it also marks the point at which I believe I truly accepted Christ and became a Christian.

In 1980 I became a youth delegate to a multinational Presbyterian youth event held at Indiana University. The event was called Triennium. During that week, we attended seminars and workshops about various issues. We also attended amazing praise filled services and small group bible studies. This was a time where my relationship with Christ grew deeply. After Triennium, the Synods were encouraged to hold synod wide youth events as follow-ups on a more local level. I became a member of the Miami Presbytery’s Youth Committee and the Synod of the Covenant’s Youth Task Force. I was appointed to the design team for the follow up youth event and spent a lot of time corresponding with seminar leaders and others who would be helping with the event called Youth Celebration ’82. These positions showed me a side of ministering to others that I had not experienced in the past. Unfortunately during our event, Keith Green passed away which impacted our music leader (Pam Mark Hall) and our activities leader (Mike Yaconelli) deeply. Unexpectedly we dealt with grief among our celebration. In 1983, I attended the second Triennium that was held in West Lafayette on the campus of Purdue University, further extending my involvement with Senior High ministry and my personal spiritual growth.

While in college, I was the Junior High/Senior High youth group leader for Oxford United Presbyterian Church. My co-leader and I led weekly meetings with the Senior Highs on Sunday night and the Junior Highs on Wednesday night. Working with the kids helped me grow in my own walk as I saw how they dealt with struggles that sometimes I also had. At this same time I became involved with a Pre-seminary discussion group. The issues that we discussed were hard, sometimes emotionally charged, and sometimes intellectually dense. Toward the end of my years at Miami, I began to attend a Vineyard Church in Cincinnati. Their particular style of praise mixed with service was something I had never seen. I was drawn by the movement of the spirit in that group of people… but also longed for a church where my mind would be fed as well as my spirit had been at the Vineyard.

After graduating from Miami University, I moved to Cincinnati and became involved with Knox Presbyterian Church. I became their Senior High youth group leader and the Jr/Sr High Sunday School teacher. My tenure there was short, however and within months I moved to Charlotte, NC where I became a member of Myers Park Presbyterian Church (MPPC). MPPC is a very stable church with many resources. Their youth ministry was already fully staffed so I became involved with the young adult group and bible study. I also did local outreach through their sister church, the homeless shelter, and their ministry to people with HIV/AIDS. Additionally, I was a member of both their adult choirs. My involvement in Myers Park’s local outreach, Young Adult Bible Study, and retreats brought about a more mature spiritual understanding and growth in a new direction in my relationship with God. While in Charlotte, I finished my second bachelor’s degree at the University of North Carolina-Charlotte in psychology.

In 1997, I returned to Cincinnati to attend the combined Masters/Doctoral program in psychology at Xavier University. While in Cincinnati, my time was strained and filled with personal tragedies. During my 7 years in the program, I lost my paternal grandfather, my father, my maternal grandfather, my dad’s step-dad, and my mother. Not having any experience with loss or bereavement, this made my life more difficult than I could have imagined. I still could sense that I was growing in my relationship with God but I became very angry about these losses. I experienced anger with God to some extent but mostly I was angry at my parents for abandoning me, for giving up, for not fighting harder to live. I could feel my heart crying out “Why?” but God’s silent response left me frustrated. It is a frustration that led to growth, however.

I began attending Crossroads Community Church in 2003. It was my first experience with the Willow Creek “Small Groups” model. Crossroads offered freedom to create and lead small groups as we saw fit. I first joined a small men’s group but after some conflict, I created a group with some friends. Diving into Paul’s epistles, I began to hunger for greater understanding of the early church and God’s intervention into the lives of the community. I also began communicating online through a MySpace group called “The Jesus Loving Church of MySpace” (JLCOM). I encountered new ideas and ancient wisdom in that group. I shared much of my new understanding with my Small Group and our group began to grow. Crossroads gave us more tools to follow topics that were being discussed in all the other small groups and in all the worship services and Sunday school classes. I was getting fed and this only drove my desire for more. I became addicted to theological discussion, prayer, and worship.

Although small groups have done much to enrich my relationship with God and the church, I have also been given books and music that have greatly enriched my walk. Seeking God’s will for my life, I have read these books, heard the melodies, experienced the poetry, and deepened my faith in God’s Grace. The books “What’s So Amazing About Grace” by Phillip Yancey and “The Ragamuffin Gospel” by Brennan Manning hit me hard and made me rethink my theology.

Derek Webb is the former lead singer of Caedmon’s Call. Recently I have reading his old journals that are published online. His insight and faith have done much to enrich my theological understanding and walk with God. He writes about the depravity of man and our inability to accept Grace without God’s help. He also makes a strong case for the idea that we are unable to reject this gift once offered. In one line of “Thankful” Derek writes:
'Cause I am just like Lazarus
And I can hear your voice
And I stand and rub my eyes and walk to you
Because I have no choice

'Cause it's by grace I have been saved
And through faith it's not my own
It is a gift of God and not by works
Lest anyone should boast

Lazarus was dead and could not have saved himself; but only could live by Jesus calling. Also, in being raised from the dead, he had no choice in whether to stay dead or be raised. This is like our own salvation in that we have no means, nor works, nor innate goodness to save ourselves… but only by the Grace of God are we saved… dying to our old lives and selves and being raised like Lazarus to allow Jesus to live through us. Praise God that He has given us this gift.

In January of this year, I lost my job. This was quite a blow to me because I had only been working there for 12 months and I had no idea what I could do with my MA in psychology. I turned to God. Again, there seemed to be silence. But one night I was walking my dog. Looking up at the stars, the same stars that Abraham saw when God made a covenant with him, a veil was drawn back and I thought, “Oh yeah… of course! God has been preparing me for this next step my whole life.” It wasn’t a lightning bolt; it wasn’t a “Eureka!”; it wasn’t even an emotional pouring out of the Holy Spirit. It was simply a keen awareness of the obvious. Don’t get me wrong, I love emotion; I love to feel the Holy Spirit pour over me like oil running down Aaron’s beard. But that is not how God chose to call me. God simply turned on the light in a dim room.

Communion Thoughts

I was in chapel this morning for a service created to highlight the diversity of language and ethnicities of our Seminary Community. The words were spoken in a variety of languages, from a variety of cultures.
The music was ethereal, stunning, beautiful, even transcendent. I could feel my spirit float in and about my body.
When the time came for Communion, the Brazilian worship leader began to speak the words of the Sacrament. At the same time, a mother and her small child were in the open stairwell which I could observe from above, given my position in the choir loft balcony that looks down into both the main sanctuary and into the stairwell... where the mother had taken her child in hopes of not disturbing the service.
The child was preverbal and yet spoke with a language of grunts and groans that only his mother could understand. "Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but that very Spirit intercedes with sighs too deep for words."
She held him to comfort and to love him. He arched his back and struggled, but could not break free of her loving arms. But in the pauses between his straining and articulating, he would rest sweetly in her nurturing embrace.
The sound was heard by some as a cacophony of distraction interrupting the sacramental words. But to my ears, in that moment, it was a holy language; the communion between a mother and child.
How like that child are we; how like that mother is God. This living metaphor illuminated the experience of Communion more poignantly than any liturgical poetry or prose that I have ever heard.

Orientation Day 1

I didn't sleep last night... well, I slept for a few hours but even then I was tossing and turning. My life and my world are changing dramatically. I can't believe I'm actually here. That sounds so "American Idol" cliche but it's true. God definitely drew me in this path. There is no escaping the fact that I have been given a clear sign. Doors have been opened, roads have been paved, and financial support has been provided. Miracles in each step of the process. I've met some great people today... I've heard some very encouraging messages. It's late and so I will hit the sack. Hopefully I will sleep better tonight than I did last night. God, give me some peace from these racing thoughts. Amen