Third Sermon - Worthy Recipient 11/23/2008

Worthy Recipient – Jonathan Jones

Matthew 25:31-46 <- This is a link to the text of this sermon.
Often when people talk about this scripture, they interpret it as a description of a final judgment where the good are sent to heaven and the bad are sent into eternal punishment. The good are judged as worthy by their charitable acts and the bad are judged as unworthy because of the lack thereof.

There is more here, there is a deeper truth.

For all have sinned and fallen short, and none are righteous, no not one. And we are saved by grace through faith, not by works… so no one can boast. So who’s a sheep and who’s a goat and how’s that pertain to salvation?

There is a deeper meaning, There is a deeper truth.

Every so often, my Aunt will forward an email to me with a story about a child that could make you cry or some dire warning about rights that the government was planning on taking away. One that she sent was a story about a woman who found a mysterious letter in her mailbox. It was a letter from Jesus letting her know that he was going to be visiting her that afternoon.
The story continued that she was very poor and had nothing to serve him. She takes what little money she has and goes to the store where she buys a loaf of bread, some sliced turkey, and some milk. On the way home she encounters a couple who are in great need. At first she tells them she can’t help them but then, takes pity on them and gives them the groceries and additionally her coat for the shivering wife.

Worried that she’ll have nothing to offer Jesus when he arrives, she heads on home where she finds another letter in her mailbox from Jesus… thanking her for the food and the coat. (and yes, I did get choked up at this point… I’m a sucker for these things)

This story is kind of cheesy but it describes the kind of charity described as sheep-like in our Scripture reading. However, from a reader’s standpoint, we are left with the idea that we will never know when a disguised Jesus or an angel will be wandering around trying to test us and make us spend our last dime. Are we visited by angels? I would say Yes, but are our encounters tests? No. Should we wonder if that pan-handler was Jesus? No! That’s not the point. We aren’t mortals caught up in some Greek myth where the gods are posing as humans.
We are humans who are charged with loving other humans… even the wretched refuse of the teeming shores.

In the scripture reading, the sheep and the goats are divided not because of how they acted toward God, but because of how they acted toward other people. If they were serving God, if they knew it was Jesus, both the goats and the sheep would have given him drink when he was thirsty, food when he was hungry, and care and counsel if he was sick or in prison. Both would see Christ as a worthy recipient. The story is not so much about how worthy the goats or sheep are based upon their charity. It is about who is judging worth. We see Christ enthroned as king and judge, determining who is a sheep and who is a goat; Christ is judging the worth as only Christ can.

On a side note, I was told by the daughter of a goat farmer that goats are actually very wonderful creatures and I shouldn’t be so hard on them in my sermon… so please note that this is a metaphor and there is nothing inherently uncharitable about goats.

But as I said before, the goats would have quickly come to Jesus’ aid if they had seen him. Why? Because they would have judged him as worthy of their help. What about the “least of these”? No, they are judged unworthy because they are living off the system, because they are Muslims, because they are a different race, because they have AIDS, because they are prostitutes, because they are sinful, because they are drug addicts, because they don’t want to learn about Jesus. The goats will give aid to those who they believe are worth their charity.

Have you seen yourself act like this? I know I have. When encountering a man on the street asking for money, I question whether he will use it for food or for drugs and alcohol. Are there entire organizations who have done this? Yes, numerous charities require the recipients be worthy of their help. I know of a soup kitchen that requires the hungry to listen to a sermon before they are allowed to eat. I know of an international children’s charity that only gives education, food, and support to impoverished children if they and their families agree to become Christian. They require the recipients of their charity to be worthy. They need to see Jesus in them.

The Goats need to see worth in the recipient of their good works. However, the sheep give even to the least of these (the unworthy). In order to help, the Goats need to see Jesus, but the sheep are blind… stupidly giving their aid and charity to even unworthy no-good abusers of the system. The goats ask Jesus to step down from the judgment seat so they can determine who is worthy of their magnanimous graciousness. The sheep don’t put themselves in the role of judge; they just give as they see a need. How should we act?

In guiding our steps, there are a some things to keep in mind. When we put conditions on our charitable acts, we are taking Christ off the throne… and by implication we are stating that we are worthy to make such judgments. However the scriptures tell us that none are worthy, no not one. We need to step down from the throne of judgment and remember that Christ is the King, Christ is the judge, and Christ gave to us in a very un-Goat-like manner. For while we were enemies with God, we were reconciled to God. Through grace, not worth, we are saved.


The Jewish understanding is described in the teaching of Tzedakah, the Hebrew word for what we call “charity”. There are significant differences between Tzedakah and what many consider charity or mission. The website, "Judaism 101" gives us a good description of what Tzedakah means. Often when people think about charity, they consider it an act of a benevolent person who has money, time, or goods are be given to those who have need. The act is one of empathy, sympathy, or… at even, pity. "Tzedakah, [however, comes from] the Hebrew three letter root Tzadei-Dalet-Qof, meaning righteousness, justice or fairness." Tzedakah is not good people giving to people in need, it is people doing the right thing, being fair, and living out God’s justice. The people of Beulah often reflect this in so much of the mission that goes on here. Time and again when a need is presented, that need is taken care of and when praised, the response is one of surprise… well, of course. That’s no big deal, it’s just what is done. It’s who we are… You don’t need to see Jesus or debate the worth of the recipient; you just take care of the need. One interesting thing about the concept of Tzedakah is that there are eight levels of charity. All are good, but some are closer to the vision that God has for us, closer to the way God wants to bless us. The list below is taken directly from Judaism 101: Tzedakah: Charity.

1. Giving begrudgingly
2. Giving less that you should, but giving it cheerfully.
3. Giving after being asked
4. Giving before being asked
5. Giving when you do not know the recipient's identity, but the recipient knows your identity
6. Giving when you know the recipient's identity, but the recipient doesn't know your identity
7. Giving when neither party knows the other's identity
8. Enabling the recipient to become self-reliant

If you know and are friends with any of our Jewish sisters and brothers, you know how important charity is in their daily lives and activities. Contrary to the prejudicial stereotypes, my Jewish friends reflect a desire to help those in need to a great degree.

You might notice that all levels of Tzedakah are sheep behaviors. Even giving begrudgingly is giving not based upon an assessment of worth or placing conditions upon the recipient. Charity with strings attached demands our right to judge and control who gets our help. Charity with no strings attached takes judgment and control out of our hands and leaves it up to God…. Takes it out of our hands and leaves it up to God. The root of all sin is when we try to take control away from God. So, let go, let God be in control.

We are called to give… and trust God to do the rest. This is difficult, so difficult. When I was living in Cincinnati recently out of college, I was going to a restaurant downtown and a man approached me trying to sell food stamps because he couldn’t buy diapers with food stamps. Whether this is true or not, I did not know but I also knew you couldn’t buy alcohol or drugs with food stamps… you can see where my mind was going… I was making an assessment, I was being a goat. He asked me to buy his $5 in food stamps so he could buy diapers for his baby that desperately needed them. In that moment I had a choice, I could tell him no, I could tell him yes and buy his food stamps, or I could do something else. I prayed. For some reason, and not to my credit at all, I prayed. I gave him $5, told him to use the food stamps for food, and prayed that God would take control of the situation and let his will be done.

Was I “taken advantage of”? No. Will you be taken advantage of if you just give without judgment? By no means, you have done what God has called you to do, you have taken a risk and given to someone who had a need. Letting go of control is always a risk, but John Wimber, the founder of the Vineyard Church once said, “Faith is spelled R I S K.” Now I’m not saying that you should toss money out the window and let anyone who walks by pick it up. But I am saying that when we consider how we will decide to give, that we should do so with God’s intentions in mind… to not seek worthy recipients (because surely we were not worthy when God gave to us) but rather to seek recipients who are in need. This is the gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ. St. Francis of Assisi once said, “Preach the gospel at all times. If necessary, use words.”

Go, step out of the judgment seat, take some risks, give, love, and love foolishly and recklessly… as Jesus loves us.

AMEN

Second Sermon - Laborers In the Vineyard 9/21/2008

There are some parables of Jesus that might seem… well, offensive to us. Of course we are fine with the parables about seeds sown on different types of ground… confident that we are in the good soil. We love the parable of the “Good Samaritan” as it puts those self righteous hypocrites in their place. But what about this parable, the parable of the “crazy farmer” who hires people, honest hard working folk, at different times during the morning… then at the last hour, he hires the slackers who are just hanging around trying to avoid being chosen.

Well, if that was all there was to it, and he paid the slackers for their one hour, we’d think he was fair and fairly charitable in hiring those slackers for that last hour of clean up work. Nice of him to give them an hour of work, given that they probably had families to feed. But then the farmer tells his manager to pay the workers, beginning with the most recently hired. And as the one-hour slackers are getting paid, the full day workers are getting pretty excited. They see that these guys got a full days pay and so, of course, they are surely going to get much more than they were originally promised. When they are paid the same as the others, they are furious. This is unfair! We bore the weight of the load! We toiled away through the noonday sun! We worked our fingers to the bone! And now he gives us no more than those slackers who were hanging out in the market, probably up to no good all day!? This is offensive, we should get what we worked for.

Then the landowner reminds the workers that they received what they were promised. Why begrudge the others of his generosity? This is one of the many times that we read in the bible about God’s justice being different from humanity’s justice. Why does the sun shine on the good and the evil? Why does hardship affect mean people as well as charity workers? The pressing question I have at the moment is why does the Baptist Seminary have power and my campus still doesn’t… We should not seek to compare ourselves or think we deserve better from God because of our length of service or our personal sacrifice. This brings to mind a story in my dad’s church as I was growing up. The church was gearing up for a major building campaign because our numbers were growing and we did not have a proper sanctuary yet. But there were some disagreements on certain issues, some questions about design and costs. One member of the church, very intent on making his voice heard, demanded that because he and his family had been members of the church since the time that they met in a schoolhouse, that he should have more say in the direction the church was taking. But that’s not the way things work in the Presbyterian church… and it’s not the way it worked in the vineyard described in the parable. Jesus is making it clear that we “are made equal” in his eyes. Remember the early bird workers said, “You have made them equal to us.”
Some may ask, “So what is my motivation to work harder or to serve more in church?” Let me turn the tables a bit and suggest that maybe it is not that the hard workers are getting what they need… but that the late workers were given money for their work and additional money to support their needs for that day. They received blessing. I know a story about two brothers, let’s call them Billy and Jonny Jones… er… Smith, yeah Billy and Jonny Smith. OK, well Billy always did his chores and worked very hard to get his assignments done. Jonny, on the other hand, was a bit of a day dreamer and sometimes would just head out on a beautiful Saturday afternoon to play in the woods or run in the fields around their house. Billy resented Jonny for this greatly… still does. What Billy resented more was the amount of love and positive regard Jonny got from their parents. Eventually Jonny would get his chores done but how could his parents love him as much as they loved Billy? Was that fair?

The parents of course, didn’t love their children based upon who finished chores nor based upon who had the greater merit. They loved their sons period. Jonny probably needed more attention and care because he was so wild and undisciplined. So the attention the parents gave was not because of a greater love, it was in proportion to the needs of the child. If we compare this with the workers in the vineyard, we can see that the landowner gave the workers pay as they had need, not as they had merited. One denarius is said to have been enough to feed one large peasant family for one day. The landowner extended that generosity to touch the lives of even the workers’ children. And so is the generosity of our Holy God. Remember in our Exodus reading that “The Israelites did so, some gathering more, some less. But when they measured it with an omer, those who gathered much had nothing over, and those who gathered little had no shortage; they gathered as much as each of them needed.” God provided to each family as they had need regardless of how much they actually gathered. Isn’t that amazing! I had never considered that connection before preparing for this sermon and yet there it is… right in front of us.

God’s economy of justice is clearly not the same as ours. If it were, given the same metaphor in this parable, no one would get paid and we’d all be kicked out of the vineyard for sleeping on the job. But, again, I believe focusing on the works and merit of the laborers (maybe even the needs of the laborers) is not the point.
I don’t think the need of the workers is the entire purpose of this story. Remember that Jesus begins the story with the phrase, “The Kingdom of Heaven is like…” The essence of the story rests in God’s abundant generosity. The focus being on the landowner’s charity rather than on the merit or works of the laborers. Consider how the landowner paid the workers. The full day workers were made to wait and watch as the landowner was being generous with the last hired. Why would Jesus set up the story like this? If the last hired were paid last then no one would be the wiser; the full day workers would have never known and there would have been no conflict or complaint.

I think there are two reasons Jesus presented the situation so that the landowner actions were clearly seen by all the workers. The first is so we would see how God is glorified by showing great generosity to all. The second is so that when we do question and complain, God reminds us to take the focus off ourselves and our efforts; and put it back on God. So again, in this parable, God is glorified by giving love and grace freely, fully unmerited by us regardless of our best efforts; AND we are taught to remove the focus from our own deeds and merit or the deeds/merit of our brothers and sisters, but rather to recognize that this grace that has been poured out on us by an overly generous and loving God.

Some might say, “Well, that’s nice but it’s still not fair.” Well, thank God that he’s not fair. I was thinking about how I would fare in this vineyard; about what time of day I would have been hired. Well, I’m not that much of a morning person so I definitely wouldn’t have been there too early. But I did wonder if my labor and merit were key to my salvation or key to God loving me, where would I stand. I think most of us would agree that we don’t do all that we ought and we do do a few things we oughtn’t. So thank God for not being fair.

As I was preparing this sermon, I was reminded of a time when one of my favorite singers, Derek Webb, was giving a performance in Lexington. He had just heard about a new mission effort to build wells in Africa called “The Blood:Water Mission.” He was very excited about this effort and told us all about how they only had one paid staff person so all the money was going to Africa to dig wells for these impoverished families; families who otherwise would spend half the day walking to get water and the other half walking back home… and we think we have it bad with no electricity. What struck me deeply and what makes me remember his words was that after he got done passionately telling everyone about how important this was (you could tell he felt very strongly about this), and how there was a bucket in the back of the church if you wanted to put a buck or five in… well, after all that, he said, “I want to be clear. Whether you put money in that bucket or not, God still loves you the same. Whether you show your love for your neighbor in Africa or don’t, you can’t cause God to love you more or to love you less. Because before you were born and before those people even existed or had any need, Jesus loved them perfectly for you… and He did so on your behalf.”

You see, the vineyard is getting harvested, with or without your effort. We put so much effort on ourselves but do we think that God cannot accomplish mission without us? Someone will be found to complete God’s purposes… and what a blessing it would be if that were you or I. If you join in the effort in the morning you will be loved and loved fully by the landowner. If you show up at the last hour, you will still be loved and loved fully by the landowner. It all comes from the generosity of the landowner, God… it’s not about us. Those laborers who work all day would be more blessed to rejoice for the blessing that the landowner has bestowed upon the latecomers. Those who arrive late are brothers and sisters, joining us in the great blessing of working as laborers in the vineyard.

I think this parable encourages us to take the focus off ourselves and others; to not compare ourselves with one another; but rather to put the focus on God and how we are called to live rejoicing in one another’s blessings. God loves generously, go and do likewise.

My first Sermon: 5th Sunday of Easter 2008

‘Do not let your hearts be troubled… you know the way to the place where I am going.’

This is a dense gospel reading, John has a way of packing a lot of meaning into just a brief message, I will attempt to do some unpacking… but I’ll try to remain brief. When I look at this week’s readings, I see two major emphases. The first is one of reassurance and the second is one of instruction and empowerment.

Stephen states his assurance in God when he says, “Lord receive my spirit.” David expresses his trust in God by writing, “You are indeed my rock and my fortress; …Into your hand I commit my spirit;” Peter writes that even the rejected will find a place of prominence. And of course John tells us that Jesus began his farewell message with, “Do not let your hearts be troubled. Believe in God, believe also in me” He reassures the disciples that he is going ahead on a journey; a journey that they will follow, and in fact, Jesus tells them that they actually already know the way.”

A journey? And we know the way? The disciples balk and question and show their lack of faith, as disciples are wont to do. And then we read the familiar words, “‘I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” The disciples wanted to know the way and Jesus told them… Jesus is the way, the truth, AND the life. But it’s not so plain to understand, is it? So… as Ricky says so often to Lucy… I think we got some s’plainin to do.

To understand what this passage means, we need to look at the context. What was going on? Jesus has just finished telling this group of disciples who he loves and who loved him, their teacher and their Lord, that he’s going away where they cannot follow... at least not yet. He continues by telling Peter (who has fully pledged his love and life to Jesus) that Peter will betray him, not once, but three times before morning. Slam after slam... worse yet, the disciples might have gotten the feeling that they are being punished since previously, Jesus had told the skeptics that where he was going they could not follow. So the disciples are in the same boat as the skeptics? I’m sure they were thinking, "Oh no! What did we do? Why is he leaving? What’s going to happen to us? When will we see him again?"

How many times in our own lives do similar fears and anxieties come upon us… such as after the loss of a friend or family member or on the occasion of saying goodbye to our family members from other parts of the country after they have come to visit?

Last week is known as "Shepherd Sunday" because of the quotes about Shepherds in many of the readings. I’m thinking that this Sunday could be called "Nervous Sheep Sunday" because the Shepherd says, "Hey, I’m going to go now... but don’t worry, you will follow later, and again, don’t worry, because you know the way." You can imagine the sheep responding, “What!? We know the way!? How can that be? We are just sheep? AAAAaaaahhhh!!!” What a panic the disciples must have been in. Having tossed aside their lives and plans and families to follow Jesus and now he’s going away!?

‘Do not let your hearts be troubled… you know the way to the place where I am going.’

Now maybe that helped some of the disciples or maybe Thomas and Philip were the only ones bold or scared enough to ask for more information. How could we know the way? Show me the Father! Clearly, Philip must have been from Missouri, the Show Me State. Reading this today, we might be tempted to ask, “Were these disciples so short of faith? How could they be so dense?”

No, I don’t think people like Thomas and Phillip are any different than the rest of us. I know I can relate to them, can’t you? I think of the words of a Caedmon’s Call song:

I hear it all depends on my faith
So I’m feeling precarious
The only problem I have with these mysteries
Is they’re so mysterious

I’ve begged you for some proof
For my Thomas eyes to see
A slithering staff, a leprous hand
And lions resting lazily

A glimpse of your back-side glory
And this soaked altar going ablaze
But you know I’ve seen so much
I explained it away

I thank God for the narratives about people like Thomas and Philip. They are our reassurances that even these guys, who have followed Jesus around for years in person, still can have fears and still can worry about what is to come. We’re human and so we sometimes doubt. So we cry out, “I believe. Help my unbelief. Show us the way. Show us the Father.”


So how does Christ respond? What answers do we find? To Philip’s request to see the Father, we read that Christ responded with the mind-boggling words “Whoever has seen me has seen the Father… Believe me that I am in the Father and the Father is in me.” To Thomas’ question about how they could possibly know the way since they didn’t know where Jesus was going, John reports that Jesus says, “You know me. And I am the way. I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” So if Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life, we can also say that no one comes to the Father except through the way, the truth, and the life. These are the instructions for the disciples, and in fact, for us all. To follow the way, the truth, and the life… is to follow Jesus, to follow Love. Jesus told the disciples that they knew the way because they had been following and listening to Jesus for years. He had been teaching them the way all along. He had been engraining himself into their hearts… giving them a way of knowing that is, as Georgine says, not only knowing by head… but knowing the way by heart.

‘Do not let your hearts be troubled… you know the way to the place where I am going.’ In fact you know the way by heart.

In fact, this way of knowing may go even deeper than that… it may be part of our very being, knit into the fabric of our bodies, and ever present in the essence of our minds. Have you ever heard a tune and you could just anticipate what the next note would be? Or have you ever listened to a poem that you could guess the next phrase? Or maybe you’ve been blessed with a gift of dance and when you learned a new step it just flowed as if you knew it all along. I think that’s what Jesus is talking about when he says, “You know the way.” We know the way because when we encountered Jesus for the first time, we were changed into “a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s own people, in order that we may proclaim the mighty acts of him who called us out of darkness into his marvelous light.” We know the way because we know Christ, we know love.

‘Do not let your hearts be troubled… you know the way to the place where I am going.’ It is part of who you are.

So what are these? The way, the truth, and the life…
Jesus is the way (our model for behavior; how we live our lives)
Jesus is the truth (our guide in knowing God’s will)
And Jesus is the life (a promise of shalom which means more than just peace but more appropriately translates as fullness and completeness of life).

The way – Thomas said to him, ‘Lord, we do not know where you are going. How can we know the way?’

• The way in which we are called to live our lives is the way of love, love for God with our whole being and love for our neighbor as ourselves.

• The way of love is the way of forgiveness, the way of caring, the way of compassion. We see the way of love in how Christ lived with us, wept with us, rejoiced with us, fed us, healed us, and humbled himself for us.

• Acts 7:59-60 While they were stoning Stephen, he prayed, ‘Lord Jesus, receive my spirit.’ Then he knelt down and cried out in a loud voice, ‘Lord, do not hold this sin against them.’ When he had said this, he died. [When he did this, he was walking in the way.]

The truth – Philip said to him, ‘Lord, show us the Father, and we will be satisfied.’

• The truth is that God loves us, all of us. God loves us so much that God redeemed us through our Lord Jesus Christ.

• The truth of God’s love is shown in Psalm 31:3-5 You are indeed my rock and my fortress; for your name’s sake lead me and guide me,

• The truth of God is proclaimed in Acts 7:56 ‘Look,’ he said, ‘I see the heavens opened and the Son of Man standing at the right hand of God!’

• Sometimes the truth of God’s love is not always easy to share. In the passage just before today’s passage from Acts, Stephen, was accused of blasphemy and brought before the council. But when given an opportunity to defend himself against the charges, he spoke hard truths to them, pointing them toward the way. It was a hard truth resulting in Stephen’s death, but it had dramatic consequences... it may have planted the seed that led to Saul’s conversion.

The life – We have this life, this newness of life. We sense it keenly when we reconcile with a quarrelsome sibling, forgive an obstinate spouse, or show grace in any way. When the Spirit of God flows over us and we wonder at the beauty of a piece of music or the majesty of the sun shining out from behind the clouds, we sense this life. The blessing of community, our friends, neighbors, and acquaintances of all walks of life, denominations, religions, and so on share in this blessing of life when we follow the Way, speak the Truth, and show forth the Life. We attain Shalom. Glory to God in the highest for the gift of life and life eternal.

• John 10:10b I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.

• 1 Peter 2:10 Once you were not a people, but now you are God’s people; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy.
  

‘Do not let your hearts be troubled… you know the way to the place where I am going.’ The way is Jesus, Jesus is God, God is love, and through love, we are walking on the path to God, the place where we are going.

Broad Statement of Faith

My belief in God and my life as a Christian grew out of experiences in my childhood. I was the younger of two sons of a Presbyterian Minister and a very talented Minister of Music. My father was a minister from 1962 until his death in 1999; my mother was a choir director from 1962 until her death in 2003. As a T.O. (Theological Offspring), I had opportunities to learn doctrine and scripture as well as to grow in an environment rich with a passion for Christ. It was in this rich soil that the seeds of my faith first took root.

I became very well versed in our church’s interpretation of the bible. My father was unlike many Presbyterian ministers, leaning toward a more conservative interpretation of scripture. Minister’s salaries being what they were, my brother and I attended adult bible studies with our parents in order to save the money they would have had to spend on a babysitter. I often had questions for my parents afterward. My father would do his best to bring the message to the understanding of a very curious 7 or 8 year old. Interestingly, the first time I was asked if I had accepted Jesus was while staying at my grandmother’s during summer vacation. At the age of 8 (1973), my brother and I prayed with my grandmother asking Jesus to come into our hearts. I’m not sure what impact this had on me or if I was only doing it because I knew it was right and it was what God and my grandmother had told us to do.

Though my understanding of the process of salvation was scant, God was very real to me. Much of my childhood involved experiences where I would call out to God for comfort. In elementary school, I wrote, “Sometimes my mommy yells and sometimes my daddy is mad and that’s when I go up to my room and God comes down and gives me a hug.” I can remember this being a very real and almost tactile experience for me. Also, being the minister’s son isn’t the most popular position in a school classroom especially when you are new in town. I moved through my childhood and early adolescence with what I would call a Christian understanding. Looking back I can see God at work in my life on various occasions but the turning point, I believe, was in 9th grade confirmation class. Although Presbyterians believe in one baptism, my father asked everyone in our confirmation class who wanted to be baptized in the river to come and be washed of our sins through full emersion. To me, this was an outer sign of a very real inner transformation. I reaffirmed my acceptance of Jesus as my Lord and Savior at that point. This began a period of strong and steady growth in my Christian walk; it also marks the point at which I believe I truly accepted Christ and became a Christian.

In 1980 I became a youth delegate to a multinational Presbyterian youth event held at Indiana University. The event was called Triennium. During that week, we attended seminars and workshops about various issues. We also attended amazing praise filled services and small group bible studies. This was a time where my relationship with Christ grew deeply. After Triennium, the Synods were encouraged to hold synod wide youth events as follow-ups on a more local level. I became a member of the Miami Presbytery’s Youth Committee and the Synod of the Covenant’s Youth Task Force. I was appointed to the design team for the follow up youth event and spent a lot of time corresponding with seminar leaders and others who would be helping with the event called Youth Celebration ’82. These positions showed me a side of ministering to others that I had not experienced in the past. Unfortunately during our event, Keith Green passed away which impacted our music leader (Pam Mark Hall) and our activities leader (Mike Yaconelli) deeply. Unexpectedly we dealt with grief among our celebration. In 1983, I attended the second Triennium that was held in West Lafayette on the campus of Purdue University, further extending my involvement with Senior High ministry and my personal spiritual growth.

While in college, I was the Junior High/Senior High youth group leader for Oxford United Presbyterian Church. My co-leader and I led weekly meetings with the Senior Highs on Sunday night and the Junior Highs on Wednesday night. Working with the kids helped me grow in my own walk as I saw how they dealt with struggles that sometimes I also had. At this same time I became involved with a Pre-seminary discussion group. The issues that we discussed were hard, sometimes emotionally charged, and sometimes intellectually dense. Toward the end of my years at Miami, I began to attend a Vineyard Church in Cincinnati. Their particular style of praise mixed with service was something I had never seen. I was drawn by the movement of the spirit in that group of people… but also longed for a church where my mind would be fed as well as my spirit had been at the Vineyard.

After graduating from Miami University, I moved to Cincinnati and became involved with Knox Presbyterian Church. I became their Senior High youth group leader and the Jr/Sr High Sunday School teacher. My tenure there was short, however and within months I moved to Charlotte, NC where I became a member of Myers Park Presbyterian Church (MPPC). MPPC is a very stable church with many resources. Their youth ministry was already fully staffed so I became involved with the young adult group and bible study. I also did local outreach through their sister church, the homeless shelter, and their ministry to people with HIV/AIDS. Additionally, I was a member of both their adult choirs. My involvement in Myers Park’s local outreach, Young Adult Bible Study, and retreats brought about a more mature spiritual understanding and growth in a new direction in my relationship with God. While in Charlotte, I finished my second bachelor’s degree at the University of North Carolina-Charlotte in psychology.

In 1997, I returned to Cincinnati to attend the combined Masters/Doctoral program in psychology at Xavier University. While in Cincinnati, my time was strained and filled with personal tragedies. During my 7 years in the program, I lost my paternal grandfather, my father, my maternal grandfather, my dad’s step-dad, and my mother. Not having any experience with loss or bereavement, this made my life more difficult than I could have imagined. I still could sense that I was growing in my relationship with God but I became very angry about these losses. I experienced anger with God to some extent but mostly I was angry at my parents for abandoning me, for giving up, for not fighting harder to live. I could feel my heart crying out “Why?” but God’s silent response left me frustrated. It is a frustration that led to growth, however.

I began attending Crossroads Community Church in 2003. It was my first experience with the Willow Creek “Small Groups” model. Crossroads offered freedom to create and lead small groups as we saw fit. I first joined a small men’s group but after some conflict, I created a group with some friends. Diving into Paul’s epistles, I began to hunger for greater understanding of the early church and God’s intervention into the lives of the community. I also began communicating online through a MySpace group called “The Jesus Loving Church of MySpace” (JLCOM). I encountered new ideas and ancient wisdom in that group. I shared much of my new understanding with my Small Group and our group began to grow. Crossroads gave us more tools to follow topics that were being discussed in all the other small groups and in all the worship services and Sunday school classes. I was getting fed and this only drove my desire for more. I became addicted to theological discussion, prayer, and worship.

Although small groups have done much to enrich my relationship with God and the church, I have also been given books and music that have greatly enriched my walk. Seeking God’s will for my life, I have read these books, heard the melodies, experienced the poetry, and deepened my faith in God’s Grace. The books “What’s So Amazing About Grace” by Phillip Yancey and “The Ragamuffin Gospel” by Brennan Manning hit me hard and made me rethink my theology.

Derek Webb is the former lead singer of Caedmon’s Call. Recently I have reading his old journals that are published online. His insight and faith have done much to enrich my theological understanding and walk with God. He writes about the depravity of man and our inability to accept Grace without God’s help. He also makes a strong case for the idea that we are unable to reject this gift once offered. In one line of “Thankful” Derek writes:
'Cause I am just like Lazarus
And I can hear your voice
And I stand and rub my eyes and walk to you
Because I have no choice

'Cause it's by grace I have been saved
And through faith it's not my own
It is a gift of God and not by works
Lest anyone should boast

Lazarus was dead and could not have saved himself; but only could live by Jesus calling. Also, in being raised from the dead, he had no choice in whether to stay dead or be raised. This is like our own salvation in that we have no means, nor works, nor innate goodness to save ourselves… but only by the Grace of God are we saved… dying to our old lives and selves and being raised like Lazarus to allow Jesus to live through us. Praise God that He has given us this gift.

In January of this year, I lost my job. This was quite a blow to me because I had only been working there for 12 months and I had no idea what I could do with my MA in psychology. I turned to God. Again, there seemed to be silence. But one night I was walking my dog. Looking up at the stars, the same stars that Abraham saw when God made a covenant with him, a veil was drawn back and I thought, “Oh yeah… of course! God has been preparing me for this next step my whole life.” It wasn’t a lightning bolt; it wasn’t a “Eureka!”; it wasn’t even an emotional pouring out of the Holy Spirit. It was simply a keen awareness of the obvious. Don’t get me wrong, I love emotion; I love to feel the Holy Spirit pour over me like oil running down Aaron’s beard. But that is not how God chose to call me. God simply turned on the light in a dim room.

Communion Thoughts

I was in chapel this morning for a service created to highlight the diversity of language and ethnicities of our Seminary Community. The words were spoken in a variety of languages, from a variety of cultures.
The music was ethereal, stunning, beautiful, even transcendent. I could feel my spirit float in and about my body.
When the time came for Communion, the Brazilian worship leader began to speak the words of the Sacrament. At the same time, a mother and her small child were in the open stairwell which I could observe from above, given my position in the choir loft balcony that looks down into both the main sanctuary and into the stairwell... where the mother had taken her child in hopes of not disturbing the service.
The child was preverbal and yet spoke with a language of grunts and groans that only his mother could understand. "Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but that very Spirit intercedes with sighs too deep for words."
She held him to comfort and to love him. He arched his back and struggled, but could not break free of her loving arms. But in the pauses between his straining and articulating, he would rest sweetly in her nurturing embrace.
The sound was heard by some as a cacophony of distraction interrupting the sacramental words. But to my ears, in that moment, it was a holy language; the communion between a mother and child.
How like that child are we; how like that mother is God. This living metaphor illuminated the experience of Communion more poignantly than any liturgical poetry or prose that I have ever heard.

Orientation Day 1

I didn't sleep last night... well, I slept for a few hours but even then I was tossing and turning. My life and my world are changing dramatically. I can't believe I'm actually here. That sounds so "American Idol" cliche but it's true. God definitely drew me in this path. There is no escaping the fact that I have been given a clear sign. Doors have been opened, roads have been paved, and financial support has been provided. Miracles in each step of the process. I've met some great people today... I've heard some very encouraging messages. It's late and so I will hit the sack. Hopefully I will sleep better tonight than I did last night. God, give me some peace from these racing thoughts. Amen